It's a strange time. As we pass the two week mark- it's an in between time. I can really start to see our life in Maine again- our house, our friends, my colleagues, the lake. But there is still life here. End of school activities for the kids- a summer fair for Frida, a graduation (of sorts) party for Benno. class trips - the list feels full. I approach these events cautiously, feeling hesitant to engage with others with one foot so firmly already out the door. People who are happy in Berlin, have chosen to make a life for themselves here, who express surprise at our decision, they stir my own fear that we are not making the right choice. I imagine that I am more afraid of returning to Maine than I was was when we moved to Berlin, but I can't guarantee that's true. Maybe it's because I have never returned to the same place. I've always hopped along on a linear line- this circling back feels strange. There's no excitement of new things to balance the fear. Or perhaps it's because the world feels scarier to me than it did 2 years ago, full of uncertainty. The U.S. is a shit show, so I keep my blinders firmly on and focus on our community and all of the good people who live there.
There's a phase in any big transition where your heart and mind begin to spend more time in the place you are going than where you are, and that is where I am beginning to be. It's natural but sad because it means I have less time left here than I thought. I haven't been taking many pictures these days, but I will make an effort to be here as much as I can and make as many photos as I can until we leave.
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